Hate SL “drama”? Take your toys and go home

A rant by Buttercup Thursday.

Scientific graph courtesy of xkcd.com.

Does hearing or reading in a Second Life profile the phrase, “no drama” make you roll your eyes and shake your head in annoyance at the pissiness of it all?

If so, welcome to the world of the grown-up people! If not, and you stand by your “no drama”-ness, I sure wish you would pick up your toys and go home.

I am fully aware that one’s reaction to drama depends on one’s definition of the word. The actual definition as it applies here is this:

Drama: A situation or sequence of events
that is highly emotional, tragic, or turbulent.
(World English Dictionary)

Sort of like what goes on in Second Life all the time. If you have close friends or partners or lovers in SL, there is going to be drama. At some time you, or they, will have feelings hurt at best, and take an emotional beating at worst. In fact, lowered inhibitions can jack up the intensity of what you feel in Second Life to an unexpected level.

If someone in SL treats you badly, IT IS OKAY to feel angry or betrayed, even to cry and shout. And if you are the one causing pain to someone in SL, you can expect a reaction, and you need to own up to it like a grown-up, even if your profile contains the pusillanimous “drama-free zone” warning.

“But he/she wouldn’t accept the break up!” “They stalked and harassed me!” “Told lies behind my back!” There are childish, petty people in Second Life… but NO ONE likes that brand of drama, so there is no need to put it in your effing profile (in fact such people may enjoy the chaos more if you do). Sometimes people are unstable and cross the line into fear- and insecurity-fuelled excess. But they obviously do not represent  the majority of people, who express a natural, emotional, sometimes rageful response to a painful situation.

All are drama, says the “no-time-for-drama” aficionado. But in the first cases you are rightfully distressed by an irrational overreaction (unless you are that asshole) and in the other you are using your skewed idea of drama to avoid responsibility.

And that’s where the little graph at the top of the page comes in. “They won’t accept the break up!” “They stalked and harassed me!” Maybe because you dumped them without explanation, or cheated, or kept them hanging on while avoiding them– and then refused to talk to them or listen to their concerns. Who created the “drama?

“They badmouthed me behind my back!” How? By revealing your rampant thoughtless inconsideration and refusal to step up and behave like an adult? A ratbag is a ratbag… there’s really no pretty way to say it.

In other words, those who cringe at the thought of dealing with others’ and their own emotional landscape in a meaningful way are more often than not the ones with the drama caveat in their profile.

A Manly Man meme…but men aren’t the only guilty parties.

What if you are that asshole, and crave reform? You could try to grow up by treating others with respect. Recognize the existence, value and even pleasures of passionate –and vulnerable –relationships. You could start by removing the d-word from your profile and your vocabulary. Courage!

I don’t know if the creator of the above graph is a Second Life resident, but it would not surprise me. Lately I’ve noticed a shift in attitudes, with more and more people admitting that they find the “no drama” manifesto silly and irritating.

On the other hand, perhaps bearing the eye-rolling profile irritation is a trade-off for the convenient red flag it provides. Drama-free relationships only? No worries there: no chance at a relationship at all, since I would rather be a cat in a Kentucky bathhouse.

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For slum magazine.

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